Back at the end of June I penned a blog entry wondering why more professional athletes didn’t have someone to manage their Twitter accounts for them? With the amount of embarrassing revelations, and lack of grammar springing forth every day from Twitter it seemed like a no-brainer for busy athletes to employ a ghost-writer amongst their entourage. Apparently Nate Robinson saw my blog and took this advice to heart, or at least his lawyers did.
Nate is one of the great serial tweeters(twats?) in professional sports. Followers of nate_robinson get everything from real time updates of the score in his game of Madden, to promotion for his basketball camp, all floating in a haze on incomprehensible Internet speak. Recently Nate got in trouble with the NYPD for driving with a suspended license, and used his Twitter account to apologize to his fans, family and organization, while also thanking the officer who arrested him. However after a quick comparison of the syntax used in the apology posts with Nate’s normal Twitter fare it is painfully obvious that the apology was penned by an intern at Robinson’s lawyer’s office. This is disgraceful. I can’t believe Nate is paying these people $350 an hour to make him look less than genuine in his public apologies. Therefore being the enterprising young man that I am, I’m going to throw my hat in the ring and apply to be Vice President In Charge of Fake Online Apologies at Nate Robinson, Inc. I consider myself an expert on all things Internet (I have a blog, they don’t just give those things out to anyone) and am well versed in the lingo kids are throwing around these days. In addition to a cover letter, resume, and references (all impeccable,) I plan on submitting this writing sample based on how I would have made Mr. Robinson seem more authentic.
Actual Apology Post # 1:
I apologize to the Knicks, my family and fans.
8:14 PM Aug 18th from web
My Version:
I serry 2 evry1, fer realz.
8:14 PM Aug 18th from web
Actual Apology Post #2:
I promise to get this all cleared up.
8:15 PM Aug 18th from web
My Version:
shake n bake baby, i bet dhowerd dont need no licenz. ;) lolz
8:15 PM Aug 18th from web
Actual Apology Post #3:
Well lessonlearned pay all tix tweetpeople aight Shot out to my boy twill ves and dhud, stood by my side the whole time!!
My Version:
Well, no actually it looks like Nate was back at the helm on that one.
As you can plainly see my skills are sorely needed in the Robinson camp. Wish me luck.
-Jesse
This is hilarious, thanks for the laugh.
ReplyDeletedis 2 funni ;) Thnx
(Seriously, he can't even write his GM's name correctly)