Tweet, Tweet Part II

Back at the end of June I penned a blog entry wondering why more professional athletes didn’t have someone to manage their Twitter accounts for them? With the amount of embarrassing revelations, and lack of grammar springing forth every day from Twitter it seemed like a no-brainer for busy athletes to employ a ghost-writer amongst their entourage. Apparently Nate Robinson saw my blog and took this advice to heart, or at least his lawyers did.

Nate is one of the great serial tweeters(twats?) in professional sports. Followers of nate_robinson get everything from real time updates of the score in his game of Madden, to promotion for his basketball camp, all floating in a haze on incomprehensible Internet speak. Recently Nate got in trouble with the NYPD for driving with a suspended license, and used his Twitter account to apologize to his fans, family and organization, while also thanking the officer who arrested him. However after a quick comparison of the syntax used in the apology posts with Nate’s normal Twitter fare it is painfully obvious that the apology was penned by an intern at Robinson’s lawyer’s office. This is disgraceful. I can’t believe Nate is paying these people $350 an hour to make him look less than genuine in his public apologies. Therefore being the enterprising young man that I am, I’m going to throw my hat in the ring and apply to be Vice President In Charge of Fake Online Apologies at Nate Robinson, Inc. I consider myself an expert on all things Internet (I have a blog, they don’t just give those things out to anyone) and am well versed in the lingo kids are throwing around these days. In addition to a cover letter, resume, and references (all impeccable,) I plan on submitting this writing sample based on how I would have made Mr. Robinson seem more authentic.

Actual Apology Post # 1:

I apologize to the Knicks, my family and fans.

8:14 PM Aug 18th from web

My Version:

I serry 2 evry1, fer realz.

8:14 PM Aug 18th from web

Actual Apology Post #2:

I promise to get this all cleared up.

8:15 PM Aug 18th from web

My Version:

shake n bake baby, i bet dhowerd dont need no licenz. ;) lolz

8:15 PM Aug 18th from web

Actual Apology Post #3:

Well lessonlearned pay all tix tweetpeople aight Shot out to my boy twill ves and dhud, stood by my side the whole time!!

9:11 PM Aug 18th from UberTwitter

My Version:

Well, no actually it looks like Nate was back at the helm on that one.

As you can plainly see my skills are sorely needed in the Robinson camp. Wish me luck.

-Jesse

The NBA and the Economy Volume III

Well two columns in a week sure didn’t last long. Anyway getting back at it, today I’ll look at two small market teams with very different ideas on what it means to be an NBA franchise.

The San Antonio Spurs

Off-Season Moves- The Spurs did some serious moving and shaking this off-season, and have reloaded for the last few years of Tim Duncan’s prime. Their biggest splash was rescuing Richard Jefferson from oblivion, but the Spurs also picked up Theo Ratliff, Antonio McDyess, and drafted Dejuan Blair to shore up the frontcourt. San Antonio has pushed all their chips into the middle of the table for next year, and committed over $80 million to their payroll for next season while maintaining some significant flexibility for the summer of 2010 when it drops down around to the $55 million range.

Projected Lineup

PG- Tony Parker

SG- Roger Mason

SF- Richard Jefferson

PF- Tim Duncan

C- Theo Ratliff

Bench- Manu Ginobli, McDyess, Blair, George Hill

What This Means For The Fans- The Spurs have tons of options for mixing and matching their lineups. They can go small with T.D. at center, Parker and Ginobli in the backcourt with Mason and Jefferson on the wings. Or they can go big and hammer teams on the boards with Blair, McDyess and Ratliff. Either ways Spurs fans are going to be treated to a competitive and deep team. The biggest problem for the Spurs has always been injuries, if they have their big 3 healthy, they win, a lot, if they only have a big 2, they struggle. Jefferson solves this problem by adding an insurance policy for the inevitable Ginobli or Parker injury.

Manu comes off the books this year along with most of their role players like Mike Finley and NH’s own Matt Bonner. Which means that the small market Spurs should be able to continue to compete with the big boys out West, and have the option of retooling next summer to find new running mates for Duncan.

Verdict- It’s refreshing to see a small market team understand the window they have and aggressively pursue a championship. After the disappointment of the last two seasons it would have been easy for the Spurs to slash payroll and trade off Manu and Mr. Longoria, wasting the last few years of Duncan’s career. Instead they took on payroll in a tough economy and served notice to the rest of the League that come June they’ll be in contention.

The Milwaukee Bucks

Off-Season Moves- The Bucks have been losing players left and right this summer. Villanueva took off for the Bulls, and Jefferson went to the Spurs. Other than that there really isn’t much to discuss, they drafted Brandon Jennings, and signed Hakim Warrick. Does that excite anyone? They also picked up Jodie Meeks in the 2^nd round.

Projected Lineup

PG- Luke Ridnour

SG- Michael Redd

SF- Joe Alexander

PF- Amir Johnson

C- Andrew Bogut

Bench- Luc Mbah a Moute, Brandon Jennings, Jody Meeks

What This Means For The Fans- Why would anyone watch this team? They aren’t going anywhere this year, and probably won’t be players in the free agent market next year. I mean its Milwaukee. Like the rest of the country I have never seen Jennings play, but statistically he struggled mightily in Europe last year. The Jody Meeks pick was a steal in the 2^nd round, but his upside is the 6^th or 7^th guy on a good team. I just don’t understand what the Bucks’ philosophy is. Bogut isn’t really the type of player you build around, and Redd hasn’t been healthy in years. Villanueva was a nice piece for them last year, and they had the right to make him a restricted agent this year. Instead they declined to tender him an offer and allowed the Bulls to sign him. Had they submitted an offer to Villanueva they could have lowered his price and potentially kept him, or worked out a sign-and-trade with Chicago. But that would have meant taking on payroll, a move the Bucks are clearly against. I don’t see the formation of any sort of plan to become competitive again. If Rick Pitino was the coach of this squad he would summarize the situation as follows. “GLEN ROBINSON IS NOT WALKING THROUGH THAT DOOR! SAM CASSELL IS NOT WALKING THROUGH THAT DOOR! RAY ALLEN IS NOT WALKING THROUGH THAT DOOR! THE ATTITUDE IN THIS TOWN SUCKS.”

Verdict- Bratwurst and alcohol in lethal quantities.

-Jesse