In what will undoubtedly become a running feature on this site, “Bringing the Crazy” will examine a player or coach who’s doing all he can to publicly bring to shame his family. Today we’ll see how this off-season has treated DeShawn Stevenson. You may know Stevenson as the average shooting guard on the Wizards with a penchant for bad facial hair and doing that John Cena “You Can’t See Me” hand over the face every time he lucks into a good play.
Now dear reader, you might wonder what a man who once pled no contest to statutory rape could have done this off season to be worthy of such recognition. Two words my friend, facial tattoos. Ever since Mike Tyson introduced the world to the next level of insanity, bad facial tattoos have represented the holy grail of crazy. This off-season Stevenson took that leap in a big way.
From the Washington Times:
Stevenson is again sporting his beard, but vows to "keep it clean for the Wizards." He had a close cut, but had a rat-tail. He also is sporting new ink. On his right temple, along his hairline is etched LONDYN, his 1-year-old son's name. On his left cheek bone is inked the Pitsburgh Pirate's 'P', "for the Pittsburgh, that's my favorite team. Barry Bonds, when he first started." The thing about the P is, however, that it's backwards and looks more like a 9. DeShawn tried to explain, "No, if you're standing where Dom's standing and looking at me, it looks like a P." Dominic McGuire was standing directly in front of him about 10 yards away, but it still looked like a 9. I think DeShawn meant to say, "when I look in the mirror it looks like a P." The final new tat is a crack on the left side of Stevenson's forehead. He said it's because "I don't crack. I feel like people always try to break me, but I don't crack. So, I put that there."
The rat-tail alone would have been enough to announce to the world that you aren’t operating with a full deck, but a backwards P, his son’s name along his scalp and the crack in his head? Are you kidding me? That’s fantastic. What’re the odds that DeShawn never figured out that images in a mirror are reversed? Has Vegas taken that off the board yet?
DeShawn is right about one thing though, he doesn’t crack. Cracking would be too easy, you can fix cracks, cracking is for quitters. Forget cracking, if you’re going to break you might as well go for broke and split completely in half. Kudos DeShawn, the bar for crazy has been set. Who’s willing to step up? Steven Jackson the ball is in your court. How will you respond?
-Jesse
