Tweet, Tweet or Why Ignorance Really is Bliss

Twitter, the 140 character, constantly updated from the blackberry, black mark on society. Software so powerful it has the ability to turn otherwise intelligent people into blabbering 14 year old girls. LOLROFLOMG!! What happens when you combine this source of pure unadulterated narcissism with professional athletes? Horror. Whether players are Tweeting in the locker room at half time, or from the comfort of home, the results are always the same; they put a gun to the head of the English language and pull the trigger, scattering brains and blood as far as the eye can see. No prisoners are taken, no quarter is ever given. What you’re about to see are actual posts from actual NBA players. In an effort to be as fair as possible I only used posts from players who attended college. You’ve been warned. Let the butchering begin.

Shaq: Everyone loves the Big Aristotle, and interviews with Shaq are often truthful, insightful and entertaining. His Twitter account on the other hand is anything but.

THE_REAL_SHAQO lance armstrong I challenge you on a time trail anytime anywere, I dnt smell fear do I, smmmmm smmmmmm dats the sniffn sound

7:27 PM Jun 19th from TwitterBerry

THE_REAL_SHAQKevin hart is the funniest tall midget ever, lol, lmfao, dnt tell. Kevin whateva u do. Plssss shhhhhhh

8:05 PM Jun 17th from TwitterBerry

Wilson Chandler: It would appear that English is not the first language of this promising young player for the Knicks.

RT @JohannPaddl: @Will_Chandler yea dawg throw some machine gun funk n everyday struggle wit big on that list, take pain wit 2pac as well!

about 3 hours ago from UberTwitter

Paul Pierce: Oh not the Truth too. What an advertisement for the University of Kansas.

Lakers vs orlando. Looked like a german sherperd vs a poodle that's ok the rotwieler celtics will b back in 2o10

4:06 PM Jun 17th from txt

Ok that’s enough I can’t take it anymore. My question is: who is handling these guys? There isn’t a public relations person on staff for the Celtics, Knicks or Suns who could spend a few hours a day transcribing this muck into English? Is it good for these players’ images to let the whole world know that they are borderline illiterate? In order to access these “Tweets” I signed up for a Twitter account, and I gave it a test run to make sure that it has spell check. It does, red lines abound.

The Internet has allowed fans to have unprecedented access into the lives of their favorite athletes. No longer is conventional media the filter through which we learn about players' personalities. But now that we’ve seen the sheer unvarnished truth is it too late to bring back newspapers? Truthfully part of the problem is the format. Twitter emphasizes brevity, and as a result deemphasizes grammar and sentence structure. Nevertheless I liked Shaq better when I could believe he had some sort of grasp on his native language. Although not as insidious as performance enhancing drugs, or players with rap sheets of violent crimes a mile long, Twitter offers fans a view of their favorite players that maybe they shouldn't have. I find that the more I know about some of the players in the sports I love, the less there is to like.

-Jesse

For a list of NBA players with Twitter accounts check here.