The Reggie Miller All-Stars

Lists! Everyone loves lists! The roster of the Reggie Miller All-Stars is composed of the 9 players who I personally find to be the most annoying players in the game. What does it take to tickle my irrational hate bone? Well, it could be anything; flopping, complaining, lack of hustle, annoying facial tics, or maybe I just don’t like their face. Who knows, the point is I won’t be able to sleep until these players are given the comeuppance that only my sweet Internet justice can supply. Please note that coming off the bench for the RMAS doesn’t make you any less annoying, it just means you’re also not a very good player.

Power Forward: Rasheed Wallace- There is still something about watching Sheed argue with refs that makes me want to scream, “enough all ready we get it.” The fact that he’s usually right can only go so far to mitigate his annoying outbursts, put your hands down Sheed, and close you enormous mouth, the refs aren’t getting any better. Plus he has pointy teeth.

Center: Shaquille O’Neal- Everyone has now officially noticed that Shaq is a terrible basketball player, right? Being a huge celebrity doesn’t win NBA championships, yet somehow Shaq going to the Cavs still lands him on the cover of Sports Illustrated. The guy is a backup center at best. Also can we just stop talking about how Shaq wants to be cop? OMG can you imagine being pulled over by Shaq? LOL. Shut up.

Small Forward: James Posey- Watching James during the 2007-2008 Celtics run was both an exhilarating and frustrating experience. On one hand we had the clutch 3s and on the other hand we had the shameless flopping masquerading as shut down defense. Now that Posey has moved on to the Hornets I feel no such conflict. Posey’s patented move is the old “set the block to block screen, and then dive on the floor and yell as soon as I make contact with the defender.” Ughh.

Shooting Guard: Kobe Bryant- There are thousands of reasons why Kobe should make this list, but I’m going to choose just one. I hate, hate, hate watching an interview with Kobe because of the way he licks his lips after every sentence. If your lips are so dry go buy some freaking chapstick, just stop subjecting me to your annoying unconscious tics. I can’t be the only one who’s noticed this right?

Point Guard: Chris Paul- Did everyone who is in love with CP3 forget that he took a shot at Julius Hodge’s baby maker while the two were in the ACC? Sure Paul is a great player, but he’s also a flopper and a cheap shot artist. His patented move in the league has been to blow by his defender off the dribble, then slow down in front of them, and flop when the defender runs into his back. Plus as my friend Bill recently pointed out he looks exactly like a skinny Carlton Banks.

Bench: Joakim Noah- I just want to hold Joakim down and shave his head. How could the son of a professional tennis player and model turn out so screwy? Also there is the whole playing up to crowds on the road and swinging at cheerleaders thing.

Bench: Sasha Vujacic- At least Sasha finally got a haircut but this flopping, complaining, shoulder shrugging ninny is beyond frustrating to watch. Ray Allen lighting him on fire during the 2008 NBA Finals was one of the most satisfying moments of my basketball fandom.

Bench: Reggie Evans- Our second testicle related player! Trying to castrate Chris Kaman is enough to make this list for the rest of your life. I have nothing else to say.

Bench: Brad Miller- Miller’s face just drives me crazy. He plays the entire game with a look that is half incredulous and half holding back tears. Brad also has the stupidest tattoos in the entire league. And-1 indeed Brad.

-Jesse