Death of a Shooter

The reality of pain, and the joy of laughter


My hopes and dreams shattered
by the miscalculation of my own situation


It's difficult to keep my nerves patient


Facing the forecast of fears
that none of my peers have ever been faced with


I wanna reach the top floor, but I'm stuck in the basement

-Excerpt of an actual poem by J.J. Redick

While watching game two of the NBA finals the question may have crossed your mind, “who was that awkward looking white guy running around during crunch time for the Magic?”  That my friends, was the greatest scorer in the history of the Atlantic Coast Conference, one J.J. Redick.  It’s hard to believe that the same player who set college basketball on fire while at Duke with his smooth stroke and penchant for knocking down the big shot, is the same guy missing open threes, making silly turnovers and getting burned on D in the NBA.

Coming out of college most people agreed that Redick was a project whose upside was more Steve Kerr than Rick Barry.  But could anyone guess that he would be this big of a bust?  Three years ago it was difficut to imagine that the guy pitching me Better Basketball videos would be shooting 37% from behind the arc in the League. Since most of Redick’s shots are of the wide-open variety, coming as a result of a double team kick-out by Dwight Howard it seems hard to believe he would struggle like he does.  The conventional wisdom when J.J. came out of Duke was that at the very least he would be a consistent, if not spectacular spot up shooter in the NBA, someone coaches would have to hide on D but who could be counted on to stretch defenses. Yet, over and over again Redick has frustrated Orlando fans with his inconsistency shooting a shot that used to be his bread and butter.  Without any athleticism to speak of, or a knack for finding open teammates, Redick has become a black hole of sadness on the court.

The man who stood above names like Jordan, Carter, and Hill while at Duke, has been benched in the NBA for a Frenchman and a guy from Western Kentucky.  So this begs the question, “why?”  Is it a lack of confidence, has he lost his focus on the fundamentals, is the lack of athleticism finally catching up with him? No, all of those are too obvious, it must be something deeper, something like the faux-hawk.

Can it be a fluke that Redick’s shooting ability took a downward turn as soon as his hair started pointing up?  I’m not sure, but that seems like a pretty big coincidence to me.  Notice that Duke J.J. kept it cropped close, know why?  Because he was too busy practicing his freaking shooting to worry about sculpting his hair.  At Duke Redick must have had a very structured regime.  I imagine it went something like this.

8 a.m.- 9.a.m.- Wake up, eat breakfast

9 a.m.- 11 a.m.- Practice shooting threes

11 a.m.- 1 p.m.- Practice shooting threes

1 p.m.- 3 p.m.- Write bad poetry

3 p.m.- 4 p.m.- Practice shooting threes

4 p.m.- 5 p.m.- Practice shooting threes

5 p.m.- 5:30 p.m.- Polish Shelden Williams’ forehead

5:30 p.m.- 10 p.m.- Practice shooting threes

10 p.m.- 8 a.m.- Dream about shooting threes

See how regimented that is?  Now that J.J.’s in the league he’s clearly reprioritized his day and over accommodated for the personal grooming.  The solution?  It won’t be easy but someone needs to kick J.J. of the comb and grease habit and get him back to working on the stroke.  If Stan the Man was smart he would hire the one and only Jeff Hornacek as an assistant coach.  If Patrick Ewing can be Howard’s personal mentor, why can’t J.J. have a little guidance?  Few in the history of the NBA have ever matched Horny’s combination of no-nonsense hair and cold-blooded long range bombing.  Jeff never had to worry about losing his grip on the ball due to greasy fingers, or whether the tweens in the crowd thought he was hot.  Nope, Horny would wet his fingers, push the hair to one side, then go out on the court and rip the hearts out of opposing shooting guards.

The solution is simple, if J.J. ever hopes to become a serviceable NBA player he needs to take a page from The Hornacek.  Leave the hair care for the ladies and start balling.

-Jesse